I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
