and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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