im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
