Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
