i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
