pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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