We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
