Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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