My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
