So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize