Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
