dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
