Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Can you bring me the toilet please
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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