yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
