i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
