he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
