I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
