My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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