Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
