What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
