Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
