I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
