areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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