At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
