Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
