You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
