she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
