I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Randomize
