the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Randomize
