I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
