He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
