are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
