I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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