if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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