you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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