I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
