Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize