i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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