so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize