Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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