Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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