I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
