I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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