im drinking this country out of the recession.
oh god the rape fog is back!
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
