smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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