You really coming over, don't trick.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize