when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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