If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
