I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I am one with the molecules
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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