Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
