butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
