Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
