Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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