I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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