Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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