my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
