you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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