Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
