I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
