We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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