How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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