I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We had to coat check the pizza.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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