My sheets look like a crime scene.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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