did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Randomize
