Rock
Scissors
Fuck
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
