My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
