Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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