my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
