Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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