This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
