Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
