Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
