I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize