i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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