I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize