Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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