to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
