wake up i wanna do it froggy style
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize