Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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