how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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