Non-Jews are for practice
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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