margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
