I'm pants shitting drunk right now
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
