4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
