I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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