considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
