im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
