Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize