So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
farters have to be the big spoon...
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
