I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize