Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
