No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
