he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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