Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
