I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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