My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize