After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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