If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
