Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
