I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
